Friday morning: the segment of the calendar traditionally devoted to making sure one has plenty to worry about over the weekend.
Yet unless you are employed at the Palace of Westminster and the old short term memory is playing up – did you ever get round to sharing with your intern the “risqué banter” from the Silvio Berlusconi documentary you’d found so amusing at the time? – the current worry level is quite low.
So thank heavens for the news that plague is back, and the opportunity to wonder whether that groggy, slightly clammy feeling is actually the onset of something far more challenging.
As regards the big question – have you got it? – let’s start with three other questions: A) Are you or have you recently been in Madagascar? B) While there, did you dance with a recently exhumed corpse? C) If not, has an extremely ill looking individual expectorated “sputum” over you?
If the answer to these questions is “No”, or even “I don’t think so”, then there’s really no need to lay in extra stores of Lemsip this weekend.
Ask yourself too, though, if you have recently had bubonic plague and not got round to treating it.
If that’s the case, then the chances of you having the even more unpleasant pneumonic plague are quite high.
Though thrilled by this development, the press is yet to engage the machinery of full hysteria, which is unusual given their apocalyptic imaginings of a depopulated Britain once bird and swine flue had got properly busy.
There are signs, though, that they are gradually waking to the threat.
The Daily Mail‘s cartographers of doom have been employing crude Dad’s Army style maps to show where the massed battalions of plague will be probing Africa’s defences next.
The Express has considerately let its readers know “The disease could spread worldwide”, while the Star’s analysts of medical trends for AW17 reckon the disease could not just reach the UK but “EXPLODE” – perhaps the world’s first ever explosive bacteria.
Recognition should also go, though, to the regional press, and especially the Wrexham-based Daily Post who should be congratulated for their strenuous effort to prevent the UK from turning into an episode of The Walking Dead.
Not only have they published a story which begins “Fears the Black Death could reach Britain have been heightened” but for younger, digital-first readers, have also assembled a video entitled “Everything you need to know: Pneumonic plague”.
It is not made clear whether the young woman pressing a Kleenex anxiously to her forehead has already joined the statistics of those affected.
But it is reassuring to know that while the metropolitan elites mess around with their silly cocktails, the Welsh media’s commitment to vigilance and public service is making their readers feel safe and protected.