It’s no secret now that to gain the summit as a professional athlete, one particular lifestyle choice is non-negotiable: the insanely faddish diet.
One part “sports science” to two parts guru-driven Nutribullet nonsense with an optional dash of astrology or something to do with chakras, as an elite sports icon you’ve got to “nourish the engine” with a pickiness that would get you defriended from all social media were you a regular civilian.
Living proof that intense dietary madness = sporting glory is the New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who has long been known for only ever eating from the crazy plate. Anything tasty is essentially forbidden chez Brady, instead you’re allowed vegetables, grains and beans – a sort of broccoli muesli – with a fragment of lean meat.
For a snack, the Brady infants are allowed “fruit rolls” made from bananas, pineapple and spirulina, although quite what the roll is is not specified by the Brady chef. Rest assured it’s got little to do with Gregg’s interpretation of the item though – white flour does not make it through the full body scanner at Brady border security.
About the only word of sense in the description of his diet is that he doesn’t eat fungus.
Of course, if the man wants to literally eat like a horse, that’s his prerogative, and as he counts his Super Bowl rings every 10-12 seconds, he’s got to feel pretty relaxed that all that fanatical pasta evasion hasn’t been wasted effort.
(There is even a Brady
cookbook “nutrition manual”, retailing at $200, and while searches on Amazon yield no clues, the “living document” itself can be located in Brady’s TB12 online store here. Also note that if you’re not satisfied with whatever data that document contains, hard luck. Due to its “unique content and binding all sales.. are final.” Unique content indeed.)
Yet today comes the news that perhaps it’s not Brady himself bringing the denial to his diet, but Gisele “the Lady Brady” Bundchen. In an interview with Charlie Rose on CBS This Morning the former said she was responsible for his switch to plants ten years ago, including the ban on “nightshades.” Which are like…lampshades?
No – moron! Get this straight. Not all plants are good. Some are bad. In the bad group are nightshades, and within that group are horrible, disgusting vegetables for losers, like tomatoes, aubergines, peppers and potatoes.
The nutritional advantages of these ingredients has been well documented, but for Brady…er, something something about them not being anti-inflammatory enough.
Which perhaps goes to show that it’s not always the food chain that one should study in the quest for eternal life, but the information chain too, as doubtless if one were to follow the thread from Mr Brady to Mrs Brady and beyond, you’d eventually reach a very bearded chap in a very expensive car on the Pacific Coast Highway, drowning out Fleetwood Mac’s Greatest Hits with the intensity of his hysterical laughter. All while Brady glumly sucks down another daffodil and warm water smoothie and tries to prevent fantasies of chipolatas from intruding on his plans for the season opener.
If you’re wondering “Should I eat nightshades…?”
Then the answer is a resounding “Yes”
They are full of minerals, vitamins and fibre.
Do not fall into the trap of thinking that removing these items from your diet will transform you into a Super Bowl conquering supermodel – their presence in your diet is not the reason for your failure in this field.